How often do you feel you are not enough?
Good, smart, funny, healthy, rich, successful, accomplished, fit… whatever it is, we often let ourselves think we are not enough, I don’t think this is fair.
I’m a firm believer that you’ve got to be in it to win it. That opportunities don’t come to us, we work hard for them. That luck isn’t an elusive, far away concept we can only wish for. I believe luck is a combination of hard work, being in the right place at the right time and having the right attitude to make the most of opportunities when they come our way.
It is very rare that an amazing, life-changing opportunity comes out of thin air. There’s always a long trail of effort leading up to it. Emails, phone calls, meetings, long days, those crappy jobs we do to boost our CV’s and pay the bills. That networking event you forced yourself to go to when you really didn’t feel like socialising. That lead that you thought would go nowhere but you followed up “just in case”.
I don’t know about you, but I always have a variety of tabs open on my laptop. They sit there for a while, sometimes a few days, sometimes weeks. Some I pursue, others I don’t. They might be jobs I want to apply to, people I want to email and say “hey, I love what you’re doing, perhaps there’s a way for us to work together”. They might be competitions to enter; ones that require more from me than simply filling in the box and clicking enter. They could be companies I would love to sponsor me or magazines I’d love to write for.
Either way, they all demand something from me. They demand my time, focus and creativity. Most of all, they demand my energy and passion.
In the last 5 months, I've been doing a lot of this, hustling, as it seems to be called. I’ve been exploring how to divide my time between earning money, building my own ventures and being more in control of how, when and why I work.
I’ve met so many inspiring, interesting and wonderful people. I’ve gained 3 new sponsors and been offered a dozen jobs (accepted one, more on that later...). I’ve learnt to live with the uncertainty that comes with all this exploration. I’ve learnt LOADS about myself, people, entrepreneurship and what’s important to me in life.
I wouldn’t change any of it.
But I'm tired. Very tired. Of the pressure to achieve and make the right decisions.
Sometimes I have this ongoing feeling that I am not enough. In between those two words; not and enough, could be any number of words:
I’m not__________ enough (fill in the blank:)
Motivated
Fit
Successful
Secure
Happy
Strong
Doing
Achieving
Writing
Training
Good at x, y or z…
Seeing my friends…
Seeing my family…
I place high expectations on myself, which means I feel as though I always need to be doing, achieving or making progress. I know I’m not alone. I find much of my inspiration from people who seemingly have a far bigger task list than me, who run multiple projects or businesses, have families and are world-class sportsmen and women.
Last week a few things fell into place and a few other things didn't. It was more change, and, perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back.
I changed my mindset and lifted the pressure off my shoulders. I realised there's certainly something I'm not doing enough.
I’m not:
…appreciating enough
…giving myself enough slack
…stepping back and looking at what has been achieved, enough
It’s almost the end of the year and it’s been a really big year for me. It’s 12 months since I walked into work, quit my job and started writing this blog. I want to enjoy and appreciate everything that's happened, that is happening and what's to come. I need to lift this pressure and stop feeling like I'm not enough.
Social media is a big contributor to us feeling we're not enough. People usually promote the exciting stuff they're doing, which can have a knock on effect and make us think our lives aren't extraordinary enough.
"An ordinary life is not synonymous with meaningless" Brene Brown.
We are all walking around with pain and we're all doing the best we can. I'm making this up as I go along, everyone is. President Obama wasn't given a book telling him step by step how to lead the country at every turn of events, we use our judgement to make the best decisions we can. Don't be fooled by someone's armour. Even though I may look happy, inside I may be struggling to make sense of it all.
The next few weeks are about focusing on doing the things I love with the people who bring out the best in me. To get my energy back and prepare for 2014.
My message is; if you feel the same as I have, like you are not enough, try to stop yourself in the act. We are all unique and on our own journeys at differing speeds in different directions. Don’t let anyone else’s achievements let you de-value yours. You really are worth it!! We all deserve to be happy and appreciate how far we've come.
Thanks as ever for reading and Happy Christmas from me:)